babies were throwing up all over the place
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
