If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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