Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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