remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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