I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
