My liver just broke up with me...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
