I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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