I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
