Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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