Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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