He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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