take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
