Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
