things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
