Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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