Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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