he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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