my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
