The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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