Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
