I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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