for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
