it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
