so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
