I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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