i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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