I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
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