my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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