peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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