I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
