I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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