u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
lol hangovers are for mortals.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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