did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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