If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
