Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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