And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
