finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
