i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
