Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
