he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Randomize
