We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
50% drunk capacity currently
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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