Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
