do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
