Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
