May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You don't make any sense
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