Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
