i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
