I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
