grandma shit on top of the toilet
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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