Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think your dad took our porno
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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