If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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