as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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