i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
