Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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