New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
