I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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