boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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