We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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