Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
