then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
bring money and cleavage
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
