I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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