I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
