i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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