Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
