if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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