Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
