the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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