Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
