This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
