so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
