No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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