i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
